So we begin, opening scene, OK? Dark street, middle of the night in Robot City. A dump truck backs up into an alleyway. What’s it doing there? What’s in it…?
GARBAGE! It comes POURING out, all over the ground. So right away, we’ve got mystery, suspense, PLUS… A comment on environmentalism. OK? So we start to move in on the pile of garbage, and we hear the voice of our hero, SPECK BRICKTASTE. And we hear him, we hear him say:
“I never thought I’d be the same after that night. What I didn’t realize was that I wouldn’t be the same. Not after that night… not after the night I woke up…”
And BANG!!! Smash cut to the title screen:
And we’re back to where we left off, only now, there’s a LOBSTER. In a fish tank. Or a lobster tank, depending on whether we want the budget to go into the billions. Anyway, we see the lobster. OK? Let’s call him Archibald. ARCHIBALD COX! There he is, just floating around, filling in the paperwork for last week’s Case Of The Missing Friend…
…And that’s when SHE walks in.
Now, I’m thinking Paris Hilton. THAT'S what I’m thinking. But for the role of the woman, I’d like to get Jennifer Garner. RIGHT? We know she’s alive, and we know she appears in movies, so that’s half the battle right there.
So this woman – let’s call her Archibald. Archibald COX! Archibald the woman walks into the lobster tank (I know, I know, not till we get the OK from Spielberg), and says: “I hear you’re a man that knows how to find things.”
And Archibald the lobster replies: “Blurb blurb, blub, bloob.”
To which our leading lady says: “Oh, I’m afraid I like my whiskey in a glass.”
Back to Archibald the lobster: “Bloob, blurb, blurb, snip, snip.”
Lady: “If I can’t pay with a check, how do you expect me to bounce?”
Archibald the Lobster: “Blorb.”
Now just picture the look of pure heat, the sultry fire in our leading lady’s eyes as she promptly dies from water inhalation.
GENIUS, I KNOW!
And there we have it! For the rest of the film, our lobster hero searches for her killer… or possibly KILLERS? WHO KNOWS!? THAT’S the mystery we have on our hands here, that’s the catch that’s going to bring in our demographics between the numbers of one and ten, and THAT is what I came here to do.
Best of all, hold on… are you holding on?
*SNIIIIIIIF*
Best of all, you’re going to love this, now… we already have the poster:
….What do you think?
