Kiss.

In days of yore, the action of planting ones lips against anything.

First popularized by Georgie Porgie as an effectual and brutal torture technique (see girls), the kiss has since undergone major renovations. An elusive and controversial figure, its capacity to shape-shift has undoubtedly earned it a place among such legendary creatures as werewolves, ladyhawks, and maggotguys…


-For a kiss is both a meeting of lips and a chocolate treat; a ray of sunshine and a rock band made up of superhuman mimes.

-When implemented by the French, the tongue makes a hearty and generally overconfident appearance.


-When dispatched from a rose, according to Grammy Award Winning artist Seal, strangeness suddenly becomes a direct function of more.

-If coupled with telling, the kiss becomes act of treachery, as exemplified by the overly ambitious breakfast treat Eggs Benedict (and its mentally slower distant cousin, Chorizo con Arnold).


-And on the subject of breakfast items, a request for a kiss with specific overtones to grits is generally considered to be an insult. The only exception is Kansas City, where the term Kiss! My! Grits! has come to replace the almost ubiquitous racing term: Ready! Set! Grits!

-Interestingly enough, despite its many forms and uses, we at British Balls have discovered an undeniable, pure, polar opposite to a kiss. This antonym, interestingly enough, turns out to be Ex-Secretary of State, Dr. Henry Kissinger. However, the very presence of the word kiss within the confines of kiss’s polar opposite has led to some interesting theories; best summarized by Dr. Eric Idle, available by clicking the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYDo9BIeNHg

Oh, and don't ever say Boochie Smoochies.

For real, just... just don't.

Buck.

We at British Balls don’t mean to be alarmists, but the various interpretations of Buck could easily mutilate your entire family. To help prepare for the inevitable, we offer the following:


Buck – Greenback. Bone. Skin. Dollar-dollar-bill, y’all. Representation of something worth something determined by powers beyond our control. Also, folding it in a variety of ways will give indisputable proof that Nicholas Cage was behind the attacks of September 11th, 2001.


Buck – A male deer. Kill one and put its head on your wall. It proves something.





Buck – As in Buck Rogers. Kill one and put its head on your wall. It proves something.


Buck – It stops here. Seriously, we can’t get this thing moving… Yeah, we checked the transmission, got an oil change just the other day… OK… OK… You can fix it when…? Damn it… No, don’t worry about it… No. I guess I’ll call my mom… yeah… Hello...? Hello, mom…? Yeah, it’s us, British Balls… No… No, we’re fine, we’re… well, did you look in the cabinet…? The left cabinet, mom, where else would you have left the syrup... I guess… No, dad’s still doing that thing. Turnips, last time I checked… No… No… Look, mom, We have to go. We have a date… No nobody you know… Well, he’s a Ghostbuster… Yes… Those guys from TV… Yes… Yes, mom, we’ll kill one and put its head on our wall… Yeah, mom, we know. Proof.

Buck – A buddy from work.

We all have one… this just happens to be ours.

.

Buck – Kill someone and put their head on your wall.