Kiss.

In days of yore, the action of planting ones lips against anything.

First popularized by Georgie Porgie as an effectual and brutal torture technique (see girls), the kiss has since undergone major renovations. An elusive and controversial figure, its capacity to shape-shift has undoubtedly earned it a place among such legendary creatures as werewolves, ladyhawks, and maggotguys…


-For a kiss is both a meeting of lips and a chocolate treat; a ray of sunshine and a rock band made up of superhuman mimes.

-When implemented by the French, the tongue makes a hearty and generally overconfident appearance.


-When dispatched from a rose, according to Grammy Award Winning artist Seal, strangeness suddenly becomes a direct function of more.

-If coupled with telling, the kiss becomes act of treachery, as exemplified by the overly ambitious breakfast treat Eggs Benedict (and its mentally slower distant cousin, Chorizo con Arnold).


-And on the subject of breakfast items, a request for a kiss with specific overtones to grits is generally considered to be an insult. The only exception is Kansas City, where the term Kiss! My! Grits! has come to replace the almost ubiquitous racing term: Ready! Set! Grits!

-Interestingly enough, despite its many forms and uses, we at British Balls have discovered an undeniable, pure, polar opposite to a kiss. This antonym, interestingly enough, turns out to be Ex-Secretary of State, Dr. Henry Kissinger. However, the very presence of the word kiss within the confines of kiss’s polar opposite has led to some interesting theories; best summarized by Dr. Eric Idle, available by clicking the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYDo9BIeNHg

Oh, and don't ever say Boochie Smoochies.

For real, just... just don't.