Quick.

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Back in America’s Old West, men were enterprising, women wrestled bears, and guns had surpassed Indian rape as our nation’s most cherished past time. Firearms were all the rage, and conflict resolution without the acrid scent of gunpowder was considered an insult to the intelligence and vital organs of every man, woman and child. With such heavy artillery abounding, the Old West was soon home to just two types of folk: the Quick and the Dead.

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Unbeknownst to most historians (see all historians) there was a brief period of time (circa 8:15 am) when the Old West was inexplicably pulled out of circulation and replaced with “New” West. There are no available records to give us any insight into the reasons for this. We here at British Balls managed to get a hold of an EP release on the subject, but all it contained was a phonograph recording of Saturday Night Outhouse that skipped in the middle.

Whatever the reasons might have been, the only thing historians (see nobody) can agree on are the unfortunate results; disenchantment rapidly set in with the “New” West formula. This was chiefly due to an unforeseen shift in the population from the Quick and the Dead, to the Slow and Undead.
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Fortunately, the free market (or, in those times, the free tobacee squat-hole) responded with its usual course correction. The undead devoured the Slow, leaving the Quick to starve the Undead, allowing the Quick to turn on each other and create a fresh pallet of just plain Dead.

This was rebranded as Old West Classic, or “Classic West.” .

Today, its fiercest competitor in the market is Cowboy Zero.