Lost.

Oceanic flight 815, nonstop from Australia to Los Angles, crash lands on a seemingly deserted island in the middle of the ocean. The handful of survivors, once strangers on a plane, must find a way to navigate the dangers presented by this mysterious new terrain, each other, and, yes, even their own individually haunting and devastating pasts.

Critically acclaimed, with a cult following almost unparalleled in television history, Lost is, at its very heart, the story of a plucky little island and the whimsically bewildered inhabitants who love it so.

We here at British Balls recently sat down with The Island for a one-on-one interview, over lunch and some delightful macchiato. What we learned about this up-and-coming young land mass might surprise even the most ardent Lost fans…

BRITISH BALLS: Hello, Island.

ISLAND: Hello, British Balls.

BRITISH BALLS: How do you like your cobb salad?

ISLAND: Actually, I think it’s just a chef salad, but with bacon.

BRITISH BALLS: Interesting… and, what kind of dressing…?

ISLAND: …

BRITISH BALLS: What kind?

ISLAND: …I don’t wanna.

BRITISH BALLS: Come on…

ISLAND: No!

BRITISH BALLS: Say it!

ISLAND: STOP IT! GO AWAY!

BRITISH BALLS: SAY THE DAMN DRESSING!

ISLAND: (defeated, miserable) … Thousand Island.

BRITISH BALLS: I’m sorry, what was that?

ISLAND: (bravely, steadily) Thousand. Island.

BRITISH BALLS: Well, thank you for your time. I think all of us at British Balls can safely say we all look forward to seeing more of your work in the future.

ISLAND: (releases smoke monster).

BRITISH BALLS: Ahhhh!

* * *

- For a written transcript of this interview, please send twelve dollars to British Balls.

- For two written transcripts of this interview, please send two twelve dollars to two British Balls.

- Three written transcripts??? Seriously??? You must think we’re some kind of a JOKE!