Shamble.

Our story begins in Ancient France.

Yes, there are some who would contend that, technically, there was never any such place as Ancient France. But rest easy. We here at British Balls have checked with our parole officers, and it seems that the state doesn’t pay them to settle historical disputes. Also, there’s a good chance that selling government secrets to the French isn’t in keeping with the terms of our release. We’re not entirely sure how our recipe for Bananas Foster constitutes a breach of national security. Yet even we must admit its alarming connection to the word in question.

Shamble.

Pronounced Shamblé, it is derived from the (ancient) French term Flambé.

Simply put, shambling is a side effect of dousing oneself in alcohol and setting one’s body ablaze. Why do this? To alter flavor and pain of one’s body. Why the shambling? Because, while the sugar in alcohol may caramelize at 320⁰ (Fahrenheit), the human body begins to feel pain at roughly my skin is on fire (again, degrees Fahrenheit). As a result, from the moment of ignition, one is reduced to a state of complete and utter shambles.

Don’t forget, cooking directions vary, thus do different flambés change the very nature of one’s subsequent shamblés. Some examples:


Bombe Alaska - A flambéed variation of Baked Alaska. While both are essentially representative of a typical Alaskan teenager’s state of mind (bombed or baked), only Bombe Alaska will give one a good and proper case of the shambles. Simply put: eat a scoop of ice cream, and cover yourself with meringue. Then, cover yourself in dark rum, and light a match (preferably a long, fireplace match – safety first!).




The fire should help firm the meringue, both insulating the ice cream in your body, while producing a frantic, agonizing shamble. An interesting fact about the effects of Dark Rum on one’s shamble: it hurts when you are on fire.

Crêpe Suzette - As the name implies, a crêpe (or Freedom Pancake)stuffed with generous helpings of sliced Suzette. This particular Flambé usually involves Grand Marnier, which is a form of Triple Sec , blended from several fine Cognacs. While this form of self-emulation is no less painful than any other, the fine, distilled essence of bitter orange will, at the very least, assure you that nothing out there rhymes with it… a truly original shamble, every time.





Bananas Foster – Australian for beer. While posting the recipe on this site is, apparently, a threat to national security, we at British Balls are well within our rights to reveal just what kind of shamble to expect from this exquisite, Louisiana dessert: up, up, down, down, left-right, left-right, B, A, start.

(When attempting Banana Foster in two-player mode it’s: up, up, down, down, left-right, left-right, B, A, select, start.)



Remember: in all cases, the best shambling occurs after the flames are extinguished and the skin has truly had a chance to achieve full oblivion. Our advice… don’t settle for third-degree burns in a first-degree world.





Shamble-lamba-ding-dong, FOOLS!