Balls.

Ah, yes. The brass ring. Let’s get to it, shall we?

Balls – If you are a professional athlete, balls are key. In fact, your ball-handling skills could make the very difference between being paid millions to play a sport you profess to love, and being paid millions to profess love for products that may or may not have any causal connection to the sport you profess to love. Remember: children can never have too much corn syrup, and you don’t really need your soul.

Domino, motherfucker!


Balls – Balls are ugly, ugly sacks that hang just below the penis. “Come now,” you must be saying. “Surely this cannot be!” Well, sorry, but that’s just the way it is. Take a quick look right now… No, not the man next to you on the train… no, not him, either… That’s right… that’s it, yes… the conductor.

Balls – Balls are ugly, ugly sacks that hover just above the penis in certain restaurants and five-star nightmares. Surf’s up!



Balls – If you are a well paid celebrity, influential politician, or ambiguously existing debutant, then it is ideal for you to attend balls. If you are pubic lice, it is also ideal for you to attend balls. While this may seem to preclude a syllogism comparing affluent society to pubic lice, we’re afraid to report that the opposite is, in fact, true… You have celebrities on your balls. Dip!




Tripping Balls – What they actually mean when they say “the critics are raving.” Hence, the late Gene Siskel’s incendiary analysis of Jean Renoir’s 1939 classic, La Règle du jeu: “Where the FUCK are my glowsticks!?”

British Balls – Bear in mind, we can only glean so much from the ancient texts, mystic carvings, and sedimentary samples we have managed to collect, but... As legend has it, this is a secret society whose diabolical rituals, cross-eyed shamans, vast wealth of knowledge and nearly godlike understanding of phase-state displacement, astro-projection, and pan-dimensional obfuscation has confounded physicists, archeologists, fortune hunters, and bass fishermen the world round… currently found at http://britishballs.blogspot.com/logspot.com/



Ball – Go on and have one… it’s all right.

Have a ball.